my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
