Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
