Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
