And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
