Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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