he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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