Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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