Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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