no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
