I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
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No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
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I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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