I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
