Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My vagina just clenched in fear
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
