Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
