he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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