is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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