'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
