Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
two words...techno handjob
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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