My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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