I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
