A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
