Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
