Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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