after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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