so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
