Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
