I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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