i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas