lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap