I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing