Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You made out with two different species that night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style