Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE