There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
jump out the window naked night went bad
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