Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
