you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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