i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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