He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize