Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
