i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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