Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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