I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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