Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
