I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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