I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
