my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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