if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
