First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
