the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
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He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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