wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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