ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
