Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
