why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
