I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
