everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize