just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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