We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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