Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
