I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They took my balls.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
