The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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