My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
