I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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