youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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