you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
