Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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