I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Blood and glitter go together right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize