all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
