Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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