She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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